Before beginning any of my courses, every participant fills out a questionnaire—it’s so important for me to get to know them, their needs, and their goals, and asking a few questions helps me really understand their situation. One of the questions I always ask is: “Do you feel any deprivation or shame around money?”
More often than not, their response tells me about how their shame over money has impacted their relationships. SO many of our relationships touch money in one way or another—we shop with our girlfriends, sisters, and coworkers; we go to lunch, dinner and clubs for entertainment; we create special experiences for family and friends; we assist those in need in our communities.
Those with money issues usually hate the idea of other people finding out about their troubles—so they isolate themselves. They cut themselves off from the loved ones who could potentially offer much needed love and support…and attempt to face their situation in isolation.
Another theme that keeps surfacing in these questionnaires is the feeling of “undeservingness.” The word unworthiness comes up over and over again. If you feel unworthy, you cannot allow yourself to feel deserving of anything—certainly not love or support.
But no one should have to suffer alone: Love and connection are basic needs—they are our RIGHT as human beings. If we don’t address the REAL need, we’ll find ourselves compensating—many times with things—to replace our deep craving for connection and love.
“The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.”
— Mother Teresa
Once we’ve isolated ourselves so completely, it often feels impossible to reach out to find that support we need. But I challenge you to take a single step—reach out to ONE friend or loved one and share with them what you’re going through. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how open and willing your friends and loved ones are to support you—after all, being there for someone else brings its own good feelings of love and connection.
“Your friend is your needs answered.”
— Kahlil Gibran
If this resonates with you, I invite you to continue to explore these feelings of isolation and unworthiness in your relationships in my free eBook, “Healing Deprivation: The Key to Creating a Lifestyle Filled with Meaning, Satisfaction, and Abundance.”