Over the course of my career, I've asked countless people the same question: “Do you feel any deprivation or shame around money?”
More often than not, their response tells me about how their shame over money has impacted their relationships. SO many of our relationships touch money in one way or another—we shop with our girlfriends, sisters, and coworkers; we go to lunch, dinner and clubs for entertainment; we create special experiences for family and friends; we assist those in need in our communities.
Those with money issues usually hate the idea of other people finding out about their troubles—so they isolate themselves. They cut themselves off from the loved ones who could potentially offer much needed love and support...and attempt to face their situation in isolation.
Another theme that surfaces again and again ...Continue Reading
When I started Financial Recovery in 1988, I knew my focus would be in creating a holistic approach to overcoming self-defeating money behaviors. Using my MoneyMinderOnline spending plan, I encouraged clients to keep track EVERYTHING so they could get grounded in their numbers and begin to make meaningful change.
One of the categories we tracked, of course, was food—and for many of us, it’s a category that’s loaded with complicated emotions.
You get out what you put into a Spending Plan, so I encourage clients to track in great detail in this area—down to dividing spending out by sub-category, like groceries, breakfast out, lunch out, dinner out, fast food, takeout, coffee/tea/snacks, etc.
Clients inevitably looked shocked when I would ask them to track their money in such great detail, but I knew if I stuck with it, th...Continue Reading
The feeling of shame is a soul-crushing emotion. Feeling shame is such a horrible feeling that we go to great lengths to avoid it—we deny our feelings, bury it deep inside and pretend it doesn’t exist.
But shame finds power in denial.
When it comes to finances, living in a financial fog or a money coma (other words for denial) can take its toll.
When I was ignoring my bills, I was in a financial fog. I lived in a state of vagueness that was both a symptom and a contributing factor of many of my money troubles. Like many of us, I was good at ignoring my money problems. As a result, the situation got worse and worse until I was in a full-blown money coma. I was completely unconscious of my money behaviors and the negative impact they were having on my financial, emotional, and spiritual life.
If this sounds familiar, and ...Continue Reading
Happy New Year Everyone!
I know for me the beginning of the year is a great time to think about what’s important…what I want to accomplish, what areas of deprivation I want to heal, what I want and need to earn, and to just tune in to what my soul is craving.
I know I’m not alone. Was 2017 another year where you were always worried about money? Do you feel like that is holding you back?
You may feel as though you look successful on the outside but on the inside you are living in a fog about money. Maybe you feel shame, secrecy or conflict in your relationships and have an overall feeling that there isn’t enough.
I know that feeling. I’ve been there. It wasn’t until I started to think about money in an emotional and practical way that I started to live a richer and truer life. I redesigned my money relationship ...Continue Reading
The holiday season is upon us. Which means many of us find ourselves buying gifts, decorations, extra food for gatherings and parties with family and friends, barely giving a thought to the compounding purchases as we hand the clerk our plastic. It's as though we're on autopilot. We are so busy preparing for the festivities that we don't stop to think about the snowballing totals.
Then, in January, the bill comes. As we look at the total, shocked, we literally feel a knot in the pit of our stomachs and wonder how in the world we could've racked up that much expense. We can't even remember what all the purchases were. We may feel shame for spending so much. “Why—and how—did I spend so much?" we may ask ourselves. We are surprised at how we could've gotten so out of control with our spending. We experience a hangover....a finan...Continue Reading
Healing Deprivation: The Key to Creating a Life Filled with Meaning, Satisfaction, and Abundance