As Tax Day approaches, couples may be feeling more financial fear than ever. Yet, money problems present an opportunity for couples to draw closer together, rather than tearing them apart.
“The notion that money is the #1 reason people get divorced is absolutely false. “It may be the symptom of problems in the relationship, but it is not the cause.”
Money often becomes the currency of emotion in a relationship. In this economic environment, romantic partners may be using money as a substitute for addressing common areas of relationship challenges, including:
Anger: There can be danger in anger. If one person in the relationship does not feel their needs are important, or feels they are not being met, they may use money to express anger. Resulting behaviors can include overspending, or closing the purse strings so the other spouse has no money to spend.
Neglect: When someone feels neglected physically or emotionally by their partner, they may use shopping as a form...
Are you a beach lover? I love going for the sun, sand, and the waves. And if you’ve been to the beach in summer, you’ve likely seen signs posted to warn swimmers of a strong undertow or rough waves.
Though the ocean is always enticing to swim in, its forces can be powerful and dangerous.
So too, a problematic relationship with money can be a dangerous, powerful force in ones life.
My clients have said that in order to stay afloat, they feel enormous pressure to make more money or to spend less. It’s like a downward spiral.
I’ve got a name for this spiral; the Money/Life Drain.
Sometimes we’re pulled downward because of circumstances beyond our control, such as a loss of income or a downturn in the economy. Other times, we create the force by our habits of spending or “debting.”
However it starts, the force of the Money/Life Drain can be powerful, and we can feel defenseless against it.
The Money/Life Drain can affect us all, no...
When I started Financial Recovery in 1988, I knew my focus would be in creating a holistic approach to overcoming self-defeating money behaviors. Using my MoneyMinderOnline spending plan, I encouraged clients to keep track EVERYTHING so they could get grounded in their numbers and begin to make meaningful change.
One of the categories we tracked, of course, was food—and for many of us, it’s a category that’s loaded with complicated emotions.
You get out what you put into a Spending Plan, so I encourage clients to track in great detail in this area—down to dividing spending out by sub-category, like groceries, breakfast out, lunch out, dinner out, fast food, takeout, coffee/tea/snacks, etc.
Clients inevitably looked shocked when I would ask them to track their money in such great detail, but I knew if I stuck with it, they’d gain insights that would move them forward on their journey.
My favorite food-money connection came from a woman who I was working...
I am frequently asked, “Why a money coach? Why would I need one? How do I find one?” Carrie Friedberg summed it up well in my interview with her as she told me her story.
Carrie describes how she was an under-earner who felt hopeless, anxious, and constantly worried about money. Her fear around money affected her personal relationships and hampered her dreams. She tried traditional software programs, as well as financial therapy, to “fix” her issues with money, but nothing gave her lasting results….until she enlisted the help of a Financial Recovery money coach. She and her coach addressed not only her practical issues with money, but her emotional issues. She healed her relationship with money and now proactively plans her spending and earnings on a monthly and annual basis, maintains savings, and has expanded the vision she’s had for her life and business.
Carrie shares in her story how...
Have you noticed that your income has danced around a specific number over the past several years, maybe even decades?
That no matter how hard you work, you can’t break out of a certain pay range, whether it’s from $20K-$60K, $65k to $85K, or from $150K to $250K? You may blame the career you’ve chosen, or the economy—but the truth is, these external factors are often not the culprit.
What is very likely happening is you have an Earning Ceiling—a number that your mind simply can’t imagine you moving beyond. It’s like a glass ceiling that lives inside you. You can’t see it but it’s there. And even if you don’t think you have one, you do. We all do. And make no mistake, its hold on you is powerful.
The only way to dissolve it is to turn inward and start exploring. Today, I’m sharing a very effective exercise that will get you there in minutes. It’s called the Earning...
This past weekend, I was hit with a bout of insomnia.
Since the news broke on Friday of Trump’s audio and after watching what experts are calling “the ugliest Presidential Debate ever”, I’ve been, quite honestly, overwhelmed and unable to sleep. And something that Hillary said during the recent debate really hit it on the nose:
“This is not an ordinary time and this is not an ordinary election. We are going to be choosing a president who will set policy for — not just four or eight years, but because of some of the important decisions we have to make… from the Supreme Court, to energy, and so much else —there is a lot at stake.“
Our nation is hurting right now, on a government level yes. But also, on a personal level whether you’re a Democrat or Republican.
Each one of us has a lot at stake. We want our children to be safe, our jobs to be secure, and our economy to remain stable. These are trying times, and so much may...
Have you ever taken a moment to explore the ways your childhood shaped your relationship with money?
If you grew up around role models who had a healthy relationship with money, you were very lucky.
But if money has been an area of struggle for you, it pays to look back at your early family experiences.
Let’s look at a few ways old family dynamics can play out in your work and earning choices.
Some people grow up in affluent families, bonded mainly by the presence of family money. The knowledge that someone will always rescue them, either by gift or inheritance, extinguishes the fire in their belly for making their own way in the world.
Other people grow up with modest means and as adults feel deep guilt for wanting a financial life bigger than the one from childhood. They may minimize their desire for a bigger life and judge these dreams as shallow or selfish.
Family messages can also come to bear. Just think, did you hear any of the following from your family member(s):
Or you’re craving more autonomy or financial freedom.
Or you keep thinking, “There’s got to be a better way to make a living.”
It could be that your work isn’t working for you…
And for your financial health, this matters a great deal because for most of us, work and money are inseparable.
Many people view work as just a means of earning money, but it can be so much more than that. This is true even if you work and don’t earn money (i.e. volunteering or being a stay-at-home mom).
Work can be a space where we express what’s important to us, where we tap into talents and qualities that make us unique.
When our work “works” for us, it fulfills many of our needs. It can be a rich source of satisfaction, confidence, success, and self-worth.
But as so many of us know, when our relationship with work (and the money it provides) is NOT working, it can cause...
Many people on the road to financial recovery assume—at first anyway—that looking at your finances means you will no longer get to enjoy anything fun.
You imagine creating a list of what you are “allowed” to buy—and signing your soul over to a financial prison where it’s all work and no play. No wonder people put off addressing their finances!
If giving up all the fun, pleasurable things forever was required to heal your relationship with money, who would want to do this?
Strict narrow thinking and rigid spending plans make it impossible to stay the course. This is why I advocate a financial recovery process that feels good, and that revolves around your specific needs.
My friend Angela figured this out while looking for a new apartment. Her first impulse was to spend the bare minimum on rent. I remember her words, all she needed was “a box on a bus line”.
But as Angela looked at apartments within her original price range, she realized...
Every now and then, when I’m talking to someone who’s interested in taking the Financial Recovery Counselor Training, I’ll be asked, “Can you tell me what it’s like to have a career as a Financial Recovery Counselor?”
These kinds of questions inspired me to start a new series of blog posts in which I interview some of my past trainees who’ve gone on to build lucrative practices in Financial Recovery. Today, I’m happy to feature my interview with Carrie Friedberg, who became a certified Financial Recovery Counselor in 2010 and now has a thriving practice in New York.
Through a holistic coaching process, Carrie guides her clients in taking an honest look at their income and expenses then helps them create a flexible framework for making consistent and guilt-free financial decisions. You can visit Carrie’s website here.
What were you doing before you knew about Financial Recovery or the Financial Recovery Institute?
I was an...