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3 Ways to Heal Loneliness & Deprivation in Relationships

 

When you think of love, do you think of couples holding hands, romantic songs, or candlelit dinners? I bet you don't think of money problems, stress, and anxiety!

When people are knee-deep in debt, living paycheck to paycheck, or not feeling in control of their finances, they experience shame, fear, anxiety, guilt...But one of the feelings we often forget about is loneliness.

I remember when I came to this realization—it was a Saturday morning in San Francisco many years ago. I was sitting at a sidewalk cafe alone, drinking my latte and reading the SF Chronicle. I was watching couples and groups of people together talking, laughing, and really enjoying themselves.

I really felt my sense of longing deeply then, and I knew that it was time to address this NEED now. By this time, I was focusing on my financial issues, but without even realizing it, I had cut myself off from everyone in the process.

I knew it was time for me to do something about this—I had contact...

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Saving Your Way Out of Debt Part 2

 

Did you know that

  • 43% of American families spend more money than they make every year?
  • And 45 million Americans carry a debt of over $10,000.
  • Americans are paying over $113 billion in credit card interest and fees, up 48% from 5 years ago.

Those stats are staggering!

Sadly, according to a new CreditCards.com poll “Many Americans don’t know when or if they’ll ever get out of debt. That includes 25 percent of people who have debt and think they’ll die before paying it off.”

I certainly don’t want you to spend the rest of your life trying to pay off your debts!

It’s obvious that debt has become a way of life.

But if you’re in debt, you know how this “way of life” can weigh heavily on your peace of mind, diminish your sense of possibility, and darken almost every aspect of your life.

Last week, I shared the first 5 steps of my 10-step formula for getting out of debt and staying out of debt. Now, let’s jump into...

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Saving Your Way out of Debt Part 1

Debt is an embezzler.

It steals your security for the future while dramatically diminishing your quality of life right now. If you are in debt, or have ever been in debt, you know how agonizing and destructive it can be.

Getting out of debt is only the first part of taking back your present peace of mind and your future. The second piece, the most important one, is to stay out of debt.

People get out of debt all the time. Think of it like yo-yo dieting. The debtor goes on a money diet, slims down what they owe and feels tremendous relief--only to find themselves saddled by an even heavier debt load in a few months’ time.

The good news is, you can get and stay, out of debt. Over my thirty-year career as a financial recovery coach I developed a process that works no matter how much debt you are in or how much you earn.

It’s called, "Saving Your Way Out of Debt". And, in this post, I’m going to share the first 5 of 10 steps that will allow you to get out of debt...

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Where does all the money go? How to clear out financial fog.

Backyard BBQs, picnics at the lake, long awaited vacations to theme parks, beaches, or faraway places—these are our summer rituals and we deserve every minute of fun in the sun and relaxation.

And it seems opportunities to spend are everywhere. Souvenirs, food, new luggage or beach towels. Don’t forget the plane tickets or gas for the car or RV. Have you ever started your day with plenty of cash in your wallet for these kinds of things only to find by night that you can’t remember where it all went?

Maybe, like the majority of us these days, you prefer plastic over cash. Have you ever checked your bank balance thinking you had a certain amount waiting for you only to be disheartened by your low account balance? You’re not alone.

Here’s a sad but true fact; Most people cannot account for how they spend their money. We live in a financial fog, disconnected from the real numbers and unable to understand our own actions.

What’s needed is a way to stay...

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Money Moments - Financial Recovery has a new look!

One of my occasional guilty pleasures years ago was watching The Oprah Show in the afternoon. My favorites were when she’d do makeovers for a few lucky viewers. Wow, did those folks change!

The new haircuts and color, professional makeup, and a new style of clothing transformed their appearance and also how they felt about themselves. A new look is a powerful change agent.

About a year ago I began to feel that Financial Recovery needed a makeover. I craved new colors and a new style; a look that reflected who I am today vs. who I was 5 and a half years ago when the old one was conceived.

And I was looking for the perfect person to take my money coach training content and turn it into an interactive, online, well designed course.

If any of you have ever had a website or a course built you will understand when I say, it’s stressful finding the right designer. And in the case of an online course, one who understands learning, flow, and engagement.

Who to trust? How to...

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Myth: Money Is The Number One Reason People Get Divorced

As Tax Day approaches, couples may be feeling more financial fear than ever. Yet, money problems present an opportunity for couples to draw closer together, rather than tearing them apart.

“The notion that money is the #1 reason people get divorced is absolutely false. “It may be the symptom of problems in the relationship, but it is not the cause.”

Money often becomes the currency of emotion in a relationship. In this economic environment, romantic partners may be using money as a substitute for addressing common areas of relationship challenges, including:

Anger: There can be danger in anger. If one person in the relationship does not feel their needs are important, or feels they are not being met, they may use money to express anger. Resulting behaviors can include overspending, or closing the purse strings so the other spouse has no money to spend.

Neglect: When someone feels neglected physically or emotionally by their partner, they may use shopping as a form...

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How to Rise Above the Money Life Drain

Are you a beach lover? I love going for the sun, sand, and the waves. And if you’ve been to the beach in summer, you’ve likely seen signs posted to warn swimmers of a strong undertow or rough waves.

Though the ocean is always enticing to swim in, its forces can be powerful and dangerous.

So too, a problematic relationship with money can be a dangerous, powerful force in ones life.

My clients have said that in order to stay afloat, they feel enormous pressure to make more money or to spend less. It’s like a downward spiral.

I’ve got a name for this spiral; the Money/Life Drain.

Sometimes we’re pulled downward because of circumstances beyond our control, such as a loss of income or a downturn in the economy. Other times, we create the force by our habits of spending or “debting.”

However it starts, the force of the Money/Life Drain can be powerful, and we can feel defenseless against it.

The Money/Life Drain can affect us all, no...

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Money Moments - Dollars for Donuts. Discovering Your Money-Food Connection

 

When I started Financial Recovery in 1988, I knew my focus would be in creating a holistic approach to overcoming self-defeating money behaviors. Using my MoneyMinderOnline spending plan, I encouraged clients to keep track EVERYTHING so they could get grounded in their numbers and begin to make meaningful change.

One of the categories we tracked, of course, was food—and for many of us, it’s a category that’s loaded with complicated emotions.

You get out what you put into a Spending Plan, so I encourage clients to track in great detail in this area—down to dividing spending out by sub-category, like groceries, breakfast out, lunch out, dinner out, fast food, takeout, coffee/tea/snacks, etc.

Clients inevitably looked shocked when I would ask them to track their money in such great detail, but I knew if I stuck with it, they’d gain insights that would move them forward on their journey.

My favorite food-money connection came from a woman who I was working...

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Money Moments – Who Needs a Money Coach and How Do I Find One?

I am frequently asked, “Why a money coach? Why would I need one? How do I find one?” Carrie Friedberg summed it up well in my interview with her as she told me her story.

Constantly Worried About Money

Carrie describes how she was an under-earner who felt hopeless, anxious, and constantly worried about money. Her fear around money affected her personal relationships and hampered her dreams. She tried traditional software programs, as well as financial therapy, to “fix” her issues with money, but nothing gave her lasting results….until she enlisted the help of a Financial Recovery money coach. She and her coach addressed not only her practical issues with money, but her emotional issues. She healed her relationship with money and now proactively plans her spending and earnings on a monthly and annual basis, maintains savings, and has expanded the vision she’s had for her life and business.

Working With A Money Coach

Carrie shares in her story how...

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Money Moments – Find Your Earning Ceiling

Have you noticed that your income has danced around a specific number over the past several years, maybe even decades?
That no matter how hard you work, you can’t break out of a certain pay range, whether it’s from $20K-$60K, $65k to $85K, or from $150K to $250K? You may blame the career you’ve chosen, or the economy—but the truth is, these external factors are often not the culprit.

What is very likely happening is you have an Earning Ceiling—a number that your mind simply can’t imagine you moving beyond. It’s like a glass ceiling that lives inside you. You can’t see it but it’s there. And even if you don’t think you have one, you do. We all do. And make no mistake, its hold on you is powerful.

So, how do you pinpoint what YOUR number is?

The only way to dissolve it is to turn inward and start exploring. Today, I’m sharing a very effective exercise that will get you there in minutes. It’s called the Earning...

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